Hallelujah for Blog 'Therapy'

Note:  What I have been writing may not exactly be what is in line for the assignments of Jessica's class.  But, they are necessary writings, for me.  I doubt I could do any assignments or use the plan to document the holidays, if I didn't.  I "work through" much of my 'stuff' when I journal.  I always have.  Before I got a PC I hand wrote a journal.  I have boxes of full journals!  I have really wanted to be able to 'work through' my issues with Christmas.  I have literally suffered every year over it.  This class coming when it did gives me rise to explore my feelings at a great time - right before those dreaded holidays.  I have set them aside for a long time because I have been afraid of the emotions.  With the class, there are so many kind people who help me, whether they know it, or not.  I feel that I could go to the boards with most anything if need be.  So, with that, this post has been a real turn for me.  "Blog Therapy"!  LOL  All is good.  I'm going in the right direction.  Thank you, everyone!  I want to thank those of you who have responded with kind words.

(There is a Christmas song video at the bottom of this post if you would like to listen to it now)

I'm thinking this year just might be different.  You know how music can make so many things 'alright'?  Well, quite by accident, I came across a Christmas song that is making a difference in how I see the holiday season.  I found it on someone's blog; it was on their music player.

It wasn't like it put me 'in the spirit' of the holidays.  Rather, it was a different type of feeling.  The song is "Christmas Vacation" from the movie, "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation".  In the song, vacation from school, the best snowman on the block, the coolest lights and all the other delights, are the things that are cool.  "Fa-la-la and Ho-ho-ho!"

All my adult life, I have been trying to capture the spirit of the holidays.  The home decorating, the goodies, the dinner, gifts, everything one sees in a Norman Rockwell painting.  I wanted the beauty and the warmth, like all the pretty greeting cards.  I wanted to play Christmas music and put everyone in the spirit.  Eggnog and home-baked cookies in front of the fireplace, to me, is traditional, and that is what I wanted - tradition.  Or, was it?

Let's face it, I'm about as traditional as an Intel processor.  Oh, sure, there are some traditions that I carry from my childhood, mostly with the food and the treats.  But, I don't have a ballroom-sized living room to hold a 12 foot tree.  A three foot tree is overwhelming, mainly because we have a fireplace and it is a small room.  Bad combination, those conifers and fire!  Another thing, if people came caroling, I would probably call the cops.  I would not trust them, not where I live, in this day and age.  And, alas, because my house is so well-lived-in, I don't have decorations on every table top.  I did, at one time, but, most of them have been broken.

Just like the character in the movie, I was always trying my darnedest to pull off the best, old-fashioned holiday ever.  One year, I carefully hand colored some Victorian Christmas cards, using only the colors available in that period.   Only one person, out of 20, I believe, commented on theirs, and that was only after my husband mentioned to her that I had colored it by hand.

Then, I remember another time when, for some darn reason, I just couldn't get my pie crust dough right.  It was humid, I guess, and it just wouldn't roll out right.  I just couldn't use 'store-bought'!  That was, well, almost sacrilegious!   But, that is what I had to do, that year.  You know what?  It wasn't that big a deal.  Who, in my family, is going to eat a piece of my pie and say, "Oh, my!  You made your own crusts!"  LOL  Not going to happen!

What we did do during the holidays was hang out together.  The children got their vacation and we spent time with each other and friends.  We visited with some friends we may not have seen in a while.  For some reason, friends fall by the way side until the holidays.  Why is that?  So, Christmas, or not, and with the children home all day, the whole family and friends thing required 'goodies'.  Even if it was Rice Crispy Treats, there had to be a treat, or two.
 
 Click on image for recipe

 We have a few favorites, but, mostly, it was, who was I trying to impress, baking 5 different types of cookies, plus, layered fudge and divinity, which I always mess up?  Better Homes & Gardens magazine's photographers were not standing at the door waiting to snap photos of my gorgeous creations.  Far from it!  LOL  The offerings may not have looked like the picture in the recipe book, but, who cared.  They were so yummy they didn't last long, anyway.

One year, I decided to cheat on a pan of chocolate chip cookies.  I didn't have the chips on hand, but, a bag of Hershey's kisses, instead.  I planned to use the Tollhouse 'summer' recipe.  That's where, rather than making individual cookies, you spread all the batter out on a baking sheet and bake it as bars.  Spread into the baking pan and bake at 375 for 20-25 minutes.  It does fit on just one sheet, by the way.  One pan, done!  This cuts down on the amount of cooking time, thus, the oven isn't heating the house during the summer.  With the larger kisses, I wasn't sure how this was going to turn out.  After spreading the chipless batter in the sheet pan, I set the kisses on top of the batter in rows as they would be cut after baking.  When I went to take them out of the oven, the kisses were gone!  They had sunk down below the batter during the baking process.  What looked like a 'blonde' brownie, was a bar that, when you bit into it, you got a bite of the chocolatey goodness of the kiss.  They were a hit!  My family named them, "Hidden Kisses".  Ta-da!  A tradition?  What?

In spite of all the years of effort, as it turned out, difficult back problems, the children growing up and going out on their own, and changes in my financial situation, cutting back was a necessity.  I can't stand that long to do all the baking and cooking.  I've had to find 'financial' shortcuts or dismiss whatever it is I am planning.  The divinity is a thing of the past, thank goodness!  It just never turned out right.

The children weren't little anymore.  They didn't require the mystery and magic that we so tediously defended when they were little.  With all of us no longer waking up in the same house together on Christmas morning, we began having "brunch", late morning, on Christmas day.  Everyone wakes up and does their thing, having coffee, perhaps.  Then, everyone comes over, including the grandparents when they were still with us, as well as any friend who may be alone, that day.  Each of us brings something for the brunch.  We give the presents out and share gifts with all.  Then, everyone visits, plays with the little ones and their new presents and pigs out on sausages, ham, bacon, fruit, eggs, grits, fresh-made donuts, bagels, lox, coffee, of course, and fresh orange juice.  By doing this, too, it leaves the remainder of the day open for those who have to split their day between visiting with others, like inlaws.  Usually, by evening, it is a wonderful time for us to get back together and have a slice of pie.  Dinner has been hours ago and everyone is winding down.  We reflect on our day and it is good.  It just seems to cap off the day nicely.  More 'traditions'?

  As they've grown older, the children have begun taking on some of the baking, cooking and decorating, even.  So, as their childhood 'needs' from the holidays began to wane, their ability to join in on all the preparations and planning grew.  One daughter has been seeing to the Christmas tree each year.  It's what she likes.  She also puts up exterior lights every year.  Another daughter loves to bake.  She is a great cook.  She began taking on some of the goody baking.  My physical dis-ability wasn't going to keep this family from eating goodies.  Little by little, the children were stepping in to the roles of, yet, more, uh, alright, traditions. 

Our Christmases aren't Norman Rockwell or greeting card perfect.  For that fact, they're aren't very spiritual, either.  We used to try to go to midnight mass on Christmas eve.  All that happened was that we were so tired, by that time, we were just dragging ourselves through the motions.  But, part of what made one child tired was her time volunteering in the local soup kitchen to make sure that someone, who was less fortunate, had a decent, warm  meal, made with care and love.  My son would be tired from spending time with his friends, often lending a hand to someone in need.  He is a mechanic and someone is always needing his services during the holidays, particularly.  The other child was tired out from playing Santa, wrapping presents and decorating for her children, as well as for my house.  Both houses have to look magickal, you know.  

I'm finally starting to see all this, now.  I see that we do have our traditions.  They're just not 'traditional' traditions.  There may not be mistletoe hanging over my doorway, but, you can bet there are hugs and kisses and love to go around.  So the tree is tiny and sparse, my grandchildren's eyes still light up when they see it.  So, the rolls at dinner were not what I wanted from the store, they were good enough.  We aren't the traditional family of lore, much less advertising.  Norman didn't know any of us.  Our late morning gift-sharing may not work best for the little ones.  Their 'Santa' gift opening is done at home before they come to gramma's for brunch.  But, they are still so excited and happy while opening all the presents from the family.  We all love watching them.  This is where we parents and grandparents get our joy, in watching our offspring enjoy the holidays.

All the years I have spent chasing a fantasy.  I thought I wanted a real, old-fashioned, traditional Christmas, like in the Norman Rockwell's painting.  Here it is:

  
That isn't my family around the table in the painting.  We live in a different time.  We're more a contemporary family, going with new ideas.  We're a fun-loving group of folks who love to joke around.  We have a l-o-o-o-n-g list of family 'inside jokes', which can be summoned up in a mere word, eliciting a round of giggles and chuckles.  I feel we're pretty laid back as a family.  We don't do much 'formality", yet, we can when need be.  The song that inspired me to write is kind of a kooky song.  It's from a National Lampoon movie, for crying out loud!  LOL  It's fun and lively, rather than carol-ish or juvenile.

Our 'traditions' change.  There are a few that stay with us.  Otherwise, as we grow and people change, times change, and even tastes change, it seems we have adjusted or altered one thing for another.  My son married a wonderful girl with four children this year.  So, this will be the first Christmas that we will celebrate with my "new grandchildren".  Some things are bound to change.  I look forward to it!  I can't believe I am writing this, but, I look forward to the holidays this year.

If anyone is interested...