The Crone

It nearly escaped me, recently, that the 7th of this month, November, was the anniversary of my mother's passing.  I think it is 13 years.  It isn't that I don't care, I just don't like to think of her death.  I keep her 'alive' in my heart, so, as far as I'm concerned, she's right here.  What nearly escaped me was the significance to something I just went through.  I should explain.

My spiritual journey has led me down a path wherein I learn something new all the time.  It's exciting!  My interests in mother nature, the realm where goddesses and angels and other spiritual entities, exist if you so wish, have me following the "Wheel of the Year" calender, which celebrates different times of the year by the agrarian cycle.  Winter, starts with Samhain, celebrating the preparation for settling down for the winter, with hopes for an early and prosperous spring.  It is celebrated much like Thanksgiving.

Another spiritual event, if you want to call it that, is the celebration of the "crone".  In a woman's life cycle, she passes through three different phases, if you will.  She is the maiden from birth until mensus.  Her childbearing years, she is the mother.  After menus ceases, the crone comes in.  In olden cultures, the older women were venerated for their wisdom and experience.  The title was never meant to be derogatory.  It was, rather, a title of distinction.

I gave this considerable thought since, in my own situation, I am re-evaluating my role, once again.  That is a never-ending thing, it seems.  LOL  I fought it tooth and nail, but, I am just going to have to accept my role as the hands-on granny.  I raised my family!  I didn't want to have to do it again.  But, my daughter needs help, right now.  She is stressed out something awful!  So, here I am, they live with me, now.  The children are trying to adapt to it all, but, it's hard for them, too.  All of the sudden, Granny is 'in the house'.  LOL  Sometimes, they try to play on that, and other times, it backfires all to hell on them.

Anyway, in this line of thinking, it occurred to me that, if I had given my daughter better tools, she would not be having some of the issues.  Okay, I'm not beating myself up.  It's just that, well, why does it take until you're old before you realise what you should have done when you were young?!

So, figuring out that I need to be a role model for the young ones, guiding them in the right direction, gave me strength.  It was as though my being 'needed', so to speak, enabled me to feel better about my, er, 'retirement'.  I'll get a chance to do the things I want to do, when I want to do them, at a later date.  For now, I'm still needed.  I'm a little dense, ya'll.

On that note, I read somewhere about a 'croning'.  It is a ceremony in which a woman is honored and greeted into her new role.  Here's an excerpt from Crystalinks.com, which does a better job than I at explaining it.

The triple moon is a Goddess symbol that represents the Maiden, Mother, and Crone as the waxing, full, and waning moon. It is also associated with feminine energy, mystery and psychic abilities. You often see this symbol on crowns or other head-pieces, particularly worn by High Priestesses.

The Maiden represents enchantment, inception, expansion, the female principle, the promise of new beginnings, youth, excitement, and a carefree erotic aura. The Maiden in Greek Mythology is Persephone - purity - and a representation of new beginnings. Other maiden goddesses include: Brigid, Nimue, among others.

The Mother represents ripeness, fertility, fulfillment, stability, and power. The Mother Goddess in Greek mythology is Demeter, representing wellspring of life, giving and compassionate. Other mother goddesses include: Aa, Ambika, Ceres, Astarte, Lakshmi.

 

The Crone represents wisdom, repose, and compassion. The Crone in Greek mythology is Hecate - wise, knowing, a culmination of a lifetime of experience. Crone goddesses include: Hel, Maman Brigitte, Oya, Sedna, Skuld, and others. ~ Crystalinks.com

From there, I found another site written by a lady who is keeping a journal, sort of, on aging for women in this country in this time.  She writes quite a bit about croning ceremonies.  The website is Blessed Day and the lady is Judy Singleton.  Appearantly, with Baby Boomers coming into their 'senior years', women have been celebrating their age with similar rituals.  One, Judi wrote about, was a ceremony performed at the beach for a woman by her friends.  She was honored with flowers and candles were lit.  They dined and drank wine, then, there were some words said and gifts were given.  I thought it sounded cool.  Only, I chose to do mine alone.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin.

It was coming upon Samhain, which is the same time as Halloween, just the day after.  The connection between the two is that during Samhain, which is the 'new year' in this calender, the veil between the etherial realm and earth is supposedly at it's thinnest.  At this time, spirits of the deceased could cross over for a visit, but, so could demonic entities.  The people would disguise themselves against the evil ones in hopes of being left be.  That is where the 'costume' ritual comes from in our Halloween.

Sice the full moon was the day after Samhain, I chose that day,or evening.  The crone is represnted by the waning moon, so, I waited until after the full moon to do my ceremony.  The following is an excerpt from a letter to some close friends and supporters of mine:

I wrote some poetry that took the place of chants or 'majick words'. It wasn't anything fancy, just personal. Heh-heh. I lit candles and set them around on my back deck. I burned some sage, too, but, it was almost lost outdoors. I meditated a bit, had a glass of wine, a smoke, and then, my poetry. I used a strand of "love beads"(Yes, I still have them) to symbolically be re-born through. In some of the rituals I read about when preparing to do this, the crone would crawl under and through the other's legs. In this way, there would be the inference of being born, coming out the other side.

The part that I really focused on was finding complete satisfaction in who I am. I'm older, not decrepit. I know enough to mind myself. Yet, I still do wonder about many things. I feel peace within. I no longer feel the need to prove to others what I am capable of doing. That is how my back came to be so messed up. I know what I can do, what I am capable of doing, and that is all that need know.

I miss my mother and thought about her during the preparing for and the ritual. I cried. A lot. I felt like she was there beside me. The day that my mother and I made peace with each other, was the most profound incident to happen my entire life. We 'met' for the first time, that day, not as mother and daughter, but, woman to woman. It was quite revealing. We shared a lot of the same heartbreaks and woes. We also give our all on our children, trying to do our very best for them. In spite of all that, she lived with guilt that she had let us down, somehow. How I can relate!

That day, I 'allowed' my mother to be a woman, a girl, whose dreams were different from her reality. Taking a cue from our mutual forgiving, this ritual was my time to forgive myself. I can forgive mom and mom forgave me, I should be able to forgive myself without too much problem. LOL I have done some things I am not proud of, but, I can go on living. I've always tried to give my all to someone who needs me. I believe in the Threefold Rule. I just need to learn who is actually needy.

It is the crone's role to keep the past alive and prepare us all for the future. I can do that. With a song in my heart, even! LOL I made up my mind, several years ago, to maintain a positive attitude. My goodness how this pays off! I'm finally focusing on me and it is wonderful!

It really was a symbolic, yet, meaningful experience.  I didn't even make the connection to the anniversary of mom's passing until after the ceremony.  I know why, though.  I can't accept her as 'gone' while celebrating her impact on my life.  I have to take them one at a time. 

So, Mom, if your following this blog, in between your Barbara Cartland romance novels, here's one for you.  I really do appreciate your role, now!  I love you, Momma!